For everybody out there who has a girlfriend, these things might seem recognizable 😉
#1: “Reorganizes” stuff — your stuff, completely overhauling your system so you can’t find anything anymore.
#2: Arbitrarily decides that there is a proper place for something you have “improperly” placed for months.
#3: Remembers every single fight you’ve ever had with her with crystal clarity, stored in her mind for strategic use at a later date.
#4: Drives her car absolutely devoid of oil for two weeks while wondering why on earth that weird warning light is on.
#5: Clutters every conceivable space in the bathroom with millions of beauty products.
#6: Whines about how it’s a man’s world, while at the same time enrolling for pole-dancing class.
#7: Tries to analyze what’s wrong with you as if she is your therapist.
#8: Might scream, yell and throw things when you are arguing but if you slightly raise your voice you are being “abusive”.
#9: Uses baby talk to manipulate you as if you are a dumb puppy dog.
#10: Asks you if you think she’s fat, but definitely does not expect an honest answer.
#11: Acts like she loves sex and wants it all the time. Until you commit to her.
#12: Expects you to read her mind because “if you loved me you would know what I’m thinking”
#13: Loudly proclaims that “this is your last beer” when out together with a group of friends.
#14: Constantly asks you “who is that?”, “why are they there?”, “is that the bomb?” while watching a gripping suspense film.
#15: Plans all your spare time for you with activities like visiting her parents, baking blueberry muffins and shopping for curtains.
#16: Comments on your driving and tells you which way is faster.
#17: Buys you socks and underwear with Disney characters on them (and expects you to actually wear them).
#18: Sheds copious tears about anything remotely bothering her after downing a few drinks.
#19: Makes outlandish claims, such as “I always cook dinner” even though you made dinner three times this week and took her out twice.
#20: Asks “Do you love me?” every two hours.
#21: Talks incessantly while you are watching TV, and then gets angry when you weren’t paying attention to every word she said.
#22: Pats your beer belly and calls it “our future child”.
#23: Won’t say what she wants for a birthday gift so that you have to guess, and is mad when you invariably get it wrong.
#24: Gives detailed instructions about what she wants for a birthday gift, until she is practically buying it herself. With your credit card of course. Then whines that you never surprise her.
#25: Grabs her towel and runs into the shower when you tell her “we really have to go now”.
#26: Answers “where it belongs”.
#27: Can’t use a map but won’t let you look at it either.
#28: Goes ballistic when you wash the dishes but leave one pan in the sink to soak.
#29: Makes an effort to look pretty. Until you commit to her. Then she doesn’t bathe and wears old stained sweatpants all weekend long.
#30: Makes you go shopping with her and hold her purse while she tries on a million outfits and then buys nothing.
#31: Answers “If you don’t know, I’m definitely not going to explain it to you”.
#32: Sighs dramatically and rolls her eyes when you ask what’s the matter.
#33: Whimpers that she’s cold and makes you turn the heat up until you are sweating buckets.
#34: Packs her suitcase to the hilt when going on a weekend trip, which you get to carry because “it is too heavy for her”.
#35: Gets irritated when you are late to pick her up, but she still isn’t even ready to go out.
#36: Gets livid when you mention she could be cranky because it is “that time of the month”.
#37: Shoots you dirty looks while she’s admiring a friend’s new engagement ring.
#38: Flies into a jealous rage if you mention another female you know, even if it is only the nasty old lady at the post office.
#39: Amicably chats on the phone for hours with a friend then starts talking shit about the person as soon as she hangs up.
#40: Says you “never clean” even though you divide household tasks evenly.
#41: Drags you to chick flicks with her, but shows a complete lack of interest in movies you want to watch.
#42: Laughs at the first point you read from this list out loud, every following point you read out lood will make her more and more angry.
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